Synchronous Strings

Recently, I learned of the “Invisible String Theory.” It is the concept similar to- or based upon- the Asian “Red String” where two people (lovers or otherwise) are intractably linked to one another through time and space, destined to meet at the opportune time. While the invisible string suggests two people will gravitate towards one another again and again over time, the red string proclaims we are predestined to meet certain people throughout our lifetime, and these people deeply impact us in meaningful ways. 

Having studied Carl Jung’s “synchronicity” and theories of consciousness spanning beyond the present (as in, there is a collective consciousness that expands into both the past and future) as well as ancient principles of a Divine Oneness, where each person and living thing is connected energetically,  this concept of an invisible string connecting and pulling us along the paths of our own lives makes sense. Jung is particularly fascinating because his theory of synchronicity is based upon Einstein’s theory of relativity (the two were acquainted before either was famous). Since Jung’s ideas are both metaphysical and physical, they are closely related to quantum physics- especially ideas of parallel universes- and explain why certain events occur in inexplicable ways. 

When I was twenty-three and in college, I took a course on philosophy and fell in love with it. I became close with my charismatic, brilliant philosophy professor during the two semesters I spent in his class. He listened to my every whim and theory, ridiculous ideas and rants. We swapped personal stories, heartbreaks, disappointments. He challenged me mentally in ways I had not been challenged since my father was alive. Perhaps most importantly,  he was the first person to allow me to openly express my feelings around death- specifically my father’s, and the confusion that had followed it (unsurprisingly, my final essay was Thomas Nagel’s “Death”- well worth the read). Growing up, my father kept a statue of Rodin’s The Thinker in his office. When he died, I kept it because it reminded me of him and because he and I were both similar in our curiosity and deeper contemplations. Towards the end of my final semester at school, I got the idea of gifting my professor a similar bronze statue of The Thinker. This seemed impossible, however, because my father’s statue was from 1961, and I had never seen anything like it being sold. That very same day I happened to walk into a small antique shop with a friend, and there, directly in front of us, was a bronze statue of The Thinker. It looked exactly like the one I had. I couldn’t believe it. 

Throughout my life, I have experienced many instances of synchronicity. You can only ask yourself, “What are the odds?” so many times before realizing that the odds are incredibly- sometimes impossibly- small. Many of us are aware of certain types of synchronous events. One popular experience is when you are thinking of someone, and they reach out to you in that precise moment or shortly thereafter. It’s even more fun when it’s not someone close to you but rather someone you haven’t spoken to or even thought of in a long time. A few years ago, I had a dream about a boy I went to high school with. We hadn’t spoken in many years. When I awoke the next morning and checked my phone, I’d received a direct message from him over social media. It completely freaked me out. This happened again last year when I was thinking of a girl I’d been friends with around a decade ago, though we’d long since lost contact. The next day, I received a text from her. She said she’d passed someone in the market who she thought was me (it wasn’t). How wild.

There are the moments when you meet someone- or learn of someone- and sense that you know them, or are meant to know them. This sensation may happen to both people at the same time or to only one of you. Usually the “knowing” occurs to the person(s) who will be more deeply impacted by the other, who needs the other person in order to realize something  about themselves. This has only happened twice in my life, and it was with two people who did, in fact, completely change the course of my life. The first person felt the instant spark- the knowing- too. The other didn’t. In both instances, however, the odds were astoundingly small that we should even meet given the circumstances at the time. But each impact was indelible: The first person ripped open a buried wound precisely in a way that drowned me in it, forcing me to face and heal dark parts of myself I’d been running from for a long, long time. The second person caused me to understand a major part of my own identity (this person and I indeed gravitate towards each other again and again over time). 

What I mean is, I didn’t meet these people; I recognized them. 

This does not mean that just because you didn’t initially ‘recognize’ someone important, they arrived in your life via good (or bad) coincidence. Consider how much it really requires for two people to meet. How many times have I met someone and thought, we would never be friends/lovers if we’d met 5 or 10 years ago? Think of everything that must align to meet when you do- each event, loss, decision, move on each of your parts for the happenstance to even occur! That one person could have taken a different train, or moved to another city, or chosen a different class (even a different time!), or been in a different relationship but wasn’t, or was in a relationship that ended. Even friends meet in magical ways. Everything feels like magic, if you think about it. Magic…and fate.

Of course, there are the synchronicities that feel downright uncanny. These are the ones that make your hair stand on end. Not in a bad way but in an astounded- even scary- way because they feel almost supernatural. These are the inexplicable ones. The shocking, shaking ones. The ones that make it nearly irrefutable that a greater order exists. I have had only a few of these happen to me. The details are too much to put down, but suffice it to say, it has made me contemplate a higher power.

The Red String Theory puts it like this: your life is a tapestry, and as you go on, the weaves of this tapestry begin to form until you can trace each line, each pattern, into the larger design. I also like to think of it as a puzzle, where each piece fits together just so. The more you work on it- the more pieces that align- the more the picture takes shape until you can understand. Maybe everything does happen for a reason, even if you don’t know it at the time. As Anaïs Nin wrote, “You live out the confusions until they become clear.” 

My final thought is that humans and events are inextricably connected. We rely on others in ways we cannot even begin to fathom. Not just the people we love, but also strangers. The crazy man who completely changes your life by assuaging your fears you are not on the right path when he randomly shouts to you a quote by one of your favorite theologians (John O’Donohue), “Beauty is the act of responding to your own calling- what is true in your heart to be. Beauty is the divine. It’s a homecoming to something in us that always knew it!” (true story). We rely on the conductor running the train who reopens the door- or closes it just as you reach the platform- transforming the entire timing of your day. The lover who liked us back. The actor who additions for your play and is a perfect fit. The random new roommate who turns out to be the first person to tell you, “You’re a good person,” one drunken night (also a true story).  The one who rejects you. The several who reject you. The bosses that fire you, or hire you. The ones who take chances on you. The sweet Uber driver who say you remind him of his daughter and that your father must love you as much as he loves her (yes, another true story). 

All of them. Every one. Even the worst of them. They impact us somehow. 

I like to think that each and every person and place I’ve ever experienced has been for my greater good, that they are leading me to my highest self. That without other people, we remain tiny, crippled, afraid. That without others, we will never see the fullness and beauty and truth of who we are, of who we can become. If relationships are what have hurt us, then they are also what must heal and redeem us. They must shape us into who we always were meant to become. 

Here is one of my favorite Ted Talks: Do You See the Signs of the Universe? https://youtu.be/c_X_sPNUDes?si=_pIzq-aHLyUab6M2

Have you experienced serendipities? I’d love to hear!